Recognising the signs of domestic abuse
Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse, regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, socio-economic status, sexuality or background. While abuse is as unique as each relationship is unique, there are distinct patterns of behaviour that make spotting the red flags easy - when you know what to look out for. Below are just 25 examples, in no particular order.
If you or someone you know has a partner, or former partner, who exhibits any of the behaviours listed below, it might be an abusive relationship.
Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family.
Threaten to cheat or have an affair if you don’t engage in sex or sexual acts that make you feel uncomfortable.
Put down your accomplishments and belittle the things you value.
Make you feel like you are incapable of making decisions and if you do make decisions, they’re the wrong ones.
Have extreme mood swings, give you silent treatment or cause anxiety over minor issues.
Use intimidation or threats for things like sex, money or buying something.
Tell you that you are nothing without them, and no one will ever love/understand you like they love/understand you.
Treat you rough - grab, push, choke, pinch, shove or hit you.
Continually criticise you, insult you and call you names - even if they say it was a ‘joke’ or ‘just banter’.
Control your finances or your access to shared money.
Make you think that you’re acting crazy or your version of events is wrong.
Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for or don’t want to do.
Call you several times a day or night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be.
Expect you to ask permission before doing anything - literally could be anything.
Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or hurting you.
Tell you that close friends and family are liars or that they don’t like you.
Play the victim and blame you for how they feel or act - everything becomes your fault, even them abusing you.
Throw things at you or near you to scare you or cause you harm.
Have sex with you without your consent - this is rape.
Lock you in or prevent you from leaving a room or a car.
Accuse you of cheating or often be jealous of your outside relationships, like with work colleagues or college friends.
Make it difficult or impossible for you to do the things you want – like spending time with friends or family.
Demand you quit your job or they’ll leave you.
Force you to have unsafe sex or remove the condom during sex.
Make you feel like there is “no way out” of the relationship and your only option is to stay with them.
All forms of domestic abuse are not acceptable in any situation.
If you or someone you care about is experiencing abuse by a partner or ex-partner it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault and there is no shame in seeking help.
In the UK, free, confidential support and advice is available to victims and concerned family or friends, 24 hours a day. Visit our Seeking Help page for a list of services.
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